"Music and my life" (an excerpt from my autobiography)

Looking back as far as I can remember, I know that music had a big influence in my life, moods, and my emotional well being. If it wasn't the tradtional my dad played, to my mother's thirst for pop/rock in the 70's. I could say that my tastes cross over many genre lines, I also would acknowlege, that growing up I think I was exposed to almost every type of music that existed, that cut pop, rock, or country radio.

My first stage appearance was in Fargo, ND at age 7, where Bobby Bare invited every child in the audience to come and sing with him in the 70's country hit "Singin' In The Kitchen". I was invited back the next night complete with all access passes to sing again based upon my knowlege of that song, which was impressive to Mr. Bare.

In the 1980's Mtv (Music Television) played a big role in my influences in the music I write today, whether it's Dance, R&B, Blues, Pop, Country, or even today's Rap/Hip-Hop. I always wanted to play music and learned more by mixing bands than actually getting formal instruction. I grew up in North Dakota under the rock of pop music which is so tainted today. Mtv opened that world. I even remember still today the very first music video I saw, (which is subject to trivia) is the very moment they signed on which is also now tainted, because you don't see many videos on Mtv or it's sister Vh-1. That's the awesome part of the internet the indie acts get to get a slice of a pie. and get noticed in a big way.

One thing while I was under contract in 2003 to a not so legit indie country recording label in Nashville.. (which today I wonder if there has ever been any success with any act that got screwed there) I did learn there was 3 recording industries, The Signed, The Unsigned, and the Underground. The signed were those who had the big producers, almost all the promotion and more. The unsigned... Well they may have showed some local cult success and possibly a following. But they were those 1 in 100,000 who would actually move up to the signed ranks. The underground... well they were so off the radar it wasn't even funny. I got this reply from my producer... "Who is that?" like they were not even to be acknoledged. Which I lost thousands of dollars in that venture which is totally unrecoverable.

Many of these independent producers have "unearned" gold & platinum records on their wall for show. I saw one that had one of each that was not even close to being RIAA certified. I had legit ones on the walls of the stations I worked at for the simple reason that we pushed songs on our playlist. They really don't mean anything.. all ya need be is a decent music director and show significant trends in the ratings with the music you play. Basically it was too easy. I easily could have had a "bogus" gold record for my internet play in country music.

I have pleged still today to keep what I enjoy on the level, even though my producer, management, and label were not, so I decided to walk away from the deal which still burns my heart alot. Because I was not seeing the results I paid to get. 3 of the songs I was sold as a part of the deal to record as demos I couldn't work with the guy and record out of his apartment. I was seeing many flags when I was there and bearly surviving even with a job. but I successfully recorded one of them after I left Nashville and moved back to New Mexico. I sent them this song and all the sudden I got a contact from the original songwriter, to the fact there was no performance agreements. Well this producer claimed ownership, and gave them to me to record, as well as the payments on my contract should have covered this agreement. He even had the gall to claim he was the only attorney I would ever need.(he was very far from being an attorney) I call it a scam, now I know what Britney Spears got sucked into.

Ever since the 80's I liked rock, dance, & pop, then Garth Brooks came along. I started to listen to more country And finally in the 90's I was playing, singing & writing it for local bands. and eventually got into live sound, then into karaoke competitions, (winning many of them in the late 90's) and then signed in Nashville in 2003.

I had this big push while I was in radio to listen to everything from dance to adult contemporary. I worked at 7 radio stations across the western half of the US. I had some of my commercial production also on radio stations in Manatoba, Canada. I finally left radio in 2005 after sucking up alot of deregulation politics, and negative feelings about my situation on not being able to move forward. I guess I did take away alot from this, I had a desire to see successes again, and had worked toward building my own studio. The one I have isn't much, but now I'm sitting in live sets again.

One of my supposedly good friends who owns a sound company in Arizona which I used to help out on occasion, doesn't hardly acknowlege my capabilities. He seems to have this stigma about audio engineers working in the studio, in case you were wondering what that bug is... it's that someone cannot do both and still keep it sounding good - Well... Poo Poo.

I will openly admit that I had my share life disruptions, where there were times I would get so emotionally messed up that I couldn't stand to hear so much as a person hum. Well, music has been the theme to my life, and it does push my mood up and down based what I want to feel at the moment. Sometimes I want to relax after a stressful moment or being hammered on by issues.

Music became especially helpful in one way or another when between March 2006 and November of 2007, I had been seeing doctors and therapists who would continiously mis-diagnose and mis-treat what was going on. There was 9 hospitalizations in that span, only one really helped where I could use my music as a way to come down from being overwhelmed.

The music I listen to allows me to think about the emotional state I'm in. Songwriting does that also but then I'm throwing more emotion into the projects I write on and record on my own.

(Stay tuned for more excerpts and a release date from Brian's book with the working title "Life Thumps On")

Welcome!

Hello and Welcome,

This is my private site and if you were invited here - Great! I'm glad you made it.

I ask anyone who reads this blog to register as a member as it is a private blog and journal.

It is labeled as an "Adult Site" is because I do not wish to trigger anyone who may come here - so if you were lucky enough to read the warning popup before coming in here. I hope you would agree you came in here certainly at your own risk.

The reason you were invited here is to see the real me. The side that few have seen outside the internet, public life, family, or with those who only see a portion of and mis-interpret what I'm all about.

I may post some back journals and write about subjects that are absolutely so complex - to the point that some may not fully understand. In my book that is ok.

I hope you find this interesting.. as life to most is a pain in the ass... but it's a necessary part of the process.

I hope you enjoy this attempt.

Brian